so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
