Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
