Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
