I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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