sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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