she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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