woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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