I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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