Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
