im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
