This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
