Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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