i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
