That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
