During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
nutella sex= disaster
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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