seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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