Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
