Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
