Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
