she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
