FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
