Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
