I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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