May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
