I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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