I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
