i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
