It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
