Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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