The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
