I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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