I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Come on in and take your pants off
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