You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
