the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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