I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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