was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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