my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
