; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
