Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
