If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
