I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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