I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
