I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
