i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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