Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
