dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
