so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
