We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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