The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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