We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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