All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
