dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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